Thoughts on the 2nd...

My mind is jumbled on this topic. I never understood why moms were sad but happy right before they had their second...

Now I understand.

It actually makes me sad just thinking about it. A knot in my throat. And I am not even pregnant on the next yet! I have talked with Dustin about this. It is almost hard to express the idea of having a second after Pria has become my everything, my whole world. It's almost like I am cheating on her so to speak. How can I love another as much as I love her?

I want to be able to give her as much mommy time as possible. How can I give more than one kid equal loving attention? Is it selfish to only want to love one and give her everything? I understand parents who choose to have only one. I know I will have more than one, but this is just how I feel.

Besides the emotional part... I am wondering what kind of physical toll having another is going to have on me. Not having the baby but the day to day picking up, holding, chasing, feeding, no sleep physical part. Dustin works during the day and he sleeps through the night... Those who haven't had kids wonder how bad can it be? I remember. I was that person...
My back might give out before I am 50!!! Thank goodness I have my dad for a Chiropractor. I've always had back problems before Pria. Having kids just doubles it.

As far as the actually "having" a baby part. I kinda just want to get all the baby having over with honestly lol. Maybe my second pregnancy will be different and I will like being pregnant... Most likely not. Not a big fan of the fat part haha. The birth part I am not concerned about. It is just one day. Being pregnant is 9 dang months long. The first 5 months is fine. The last 4 is my least favorite. Not a fan of the whole waddling around, not being able to handle myself physically like when I am not prego, sweat pants every day, and yeah being fat with huge boobs...

As far as what gender I want the next time around... I have mixed feelings. I want a girl again, sisters, bffs. But it would be nice to have a boy to know for sure we don't have to keep trying for one again, because I know Dustin would really like a son. Boys just seem like a lot of work. Moms even say boys are more work than girls in the early ages. So whatever we have the next time around, I will be happy.